when's the best time of year to get married?

I often get asked when the best time is to get married, but to be totally honest there's isn't a 'best' time. It depends what your priorities are, and if you had an ideal in mind when you've thought about your wedding.

Is the weather a key factor - if it is then you may want to consider a wedding abroad - or is it about having someplace big enough to have all your guests in one place at the same time? The thing is you could choose the middle of winter to get married where the weather is shocking and the surroundings dull, but if you have everyone you want in attendance it won't matter two hoots what it's like outside. Equally if you want the pictures to die for, the freedom to walk around some beautiful grounds then you need to not only pick the perfect time of year but the perfect location, which as we know with the British weather may indeed mean going abroad for some sort of guarantee.

Below is a very short guide on some ideas you might want to think about by month or day of the week.

By Month
January - March - Out of season so can be cheaper
April - June - Good weather (hopefully!)
June - August - Peak season, so can be expensive, but also summer holidays, so good for vocational workers where you don't have to take extra time off to get married and honeymoon
September - October - Depending on honeymoon destination, most rainy seasons have finished around now
October - November - Out of season so can be cheaper
December - Seasonal theme, where you won't have to spend too much on decoration as most venues will be decorated for Christmas & New Year festivities

Days of the week
Monday - Thursday - Very cheap as these are not the most popular days, but think of your guests and time they would need to take off from work
Friday & Sunday - Fast becoming popular choices as they are slightly cheaper
Saturday - Traditionally the day of choice, but can be expensive

Many of these ideas are based on weather and budget, as these seem to be the things that most couples think about. I would suggest though that if you can't afford to get married abroad concentrate on the budget side of things, and when it comes to weather...hope for the best and plan for the worst. Just ensure the venue you choose has enough space inside so should the heavens open, your pictures can still get taken and you and your guests still have a fantastic day.

To Dance, or not to dance

So, to dance or not to dance that is the question!

In recent years it has become more apparent that couples are choosing to be as flamboyant as they can be with their dance. It seems that they are seeing their first dance as a way of expressing who they are without the traditional shuffle around the room with 100 plus guests watching.

Everyone is different, and in a recent wedding, the couple refrained from having a first dance at all, and obviously this was their choice, or maybe the groom's given his lack of confidence on the dancefloor!

The tradition of the first dance, is that it should be the epitome of romance and togetherness, the first dance you share as a married couple, and of course the signalling of the evening entertainment to begin. It usually occurs (in the UK at least) after the ceremony, speeches, food and cake cutting and for many couples it is the part of the day they have been dreading. However you are surrounded by people that you have invited, and who care for you deeply, and while this may be daunting, they are wishing you the very best and hoping this is the start of many happy dances together.

Originally the dance of tradition has been a waltz, but only once have I seen a waltz in the past few years. It was beautiful and you can see why it has long been the dance of choice, but as we know many couples now choose a song and even a routine that reflect their personalities and the dance hasn't been restricted to the post day festivities...anyone seen the church entrance routine by the whole bridal party? I wish I could have seen it in person, but for those that haven't seen it at all, check this out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g8DCt3Lmi28.

For ideas and inspiration, have a look at http://www.youtube.com/ and search through some of the tradition, fun and downright outrageous...then choose what's right for you.

Most importantly whatever you decide to do enjoy the first dance with your spouse. If it is a shuffle, take the opportunity to talk to each other and reflect on the day, this will probably be one of the few times throughout the day it will just be the two of you.

The legalities of romance

Your wedding day will hopefully be the most exciting, memorable day of your life. In order to ensure that it is, there are a few legalities you will need to adhere to, to make sure you don't get any unexpected surprises as you're packing your dress away and returning the suits.

Here is a non-exhaustive list of things to remember when planning your special day in the UK. This is true even if you plan to get married in a religious building, so make sure you read below and check with your local council office before booking your day if you are in any doubt.

1. Under 16 year olds are not legally allowed to marry in the UK
2. Under 18's require written permission from parents or guardians to marry
3. Notice to marry must be given to the local council at least 15 days clear of your wedding day
4. You cannot marry an immediate family member, although in the UK you are allowed to marry a cousin
5. Marriages must be performed in a licensed venue for it to be recognised
6. Marriages must be performed between 8am - 6pm for them to be legal in the UK
7. Marriages must be witnessed by at least 2 adults

None of the above is meant to scare you, but to ensure you are legally married after your special day it's best to check out the paperwork to avert disaster before your head isn't filled with flowers, favours and friends!

If you need any help or advice remember you can always contact me by email on info@weddingsbyelaine.co.uk or by calling me on 0800 542 0391.

what's in a band...

Hello bloggers, it seems I have come into contact with someone who had a cold, and they have kindly passed it on. A bit irritating as I think it was from a family member (thankfully it's not of the swine variety so I am carrying on). I was at a wedding this weekend and had the best time. I know, you ask surprised, do I ever not, given how much I love weddings, but this one was even better than usual because there was a lot of family gathered from all corners to celebrate together.

The Bride was a beautiful gazelle in a stunning figure hugging dress, with matching coat and the Groom was as dashing as ever in his traditional morning suit. Everyone had smiles on their faces, and wished nothing but happy thoughts for the couple starting their married life together...I know I'm gushing, but it really was an amazing day - and it didn't rain, so was even better!

I think the only thing that made a slight irk was when we'd heard the speeches (embarrassing and funny in equal amounts), finished the food (Salmon, followed by Hog Roast, followed by apple pie and raspberry crumble - delicious), watched the happy couple cut the cake (carrot, lemon drizzle, and victoria sponge layers - heaven) and the band started to play....yes I'm afraid this was where it went slightly awry, they weren't what I had imagined.

Now, I have to say that I'm not a singer, I'd be one of the embarrassing auditionees on X Factor if I thought for one iota I could hold a tune in my head - thankfully I'm not that naive when it comes to my abilities, but honestly I wasn't sure what to make of the chosen band. There is nothing like a good catch up, and wriggle on the dance floor when it comes to weddings, but I'm afraid on this occasion I refrained from gracing the dancefloor. Maybe it's because I didn't have as much to drink as others in our company, but I wasn't overly keen on their rendition of a few of my favourite tracks. Quite possibly down to personal taste, as there were quite a few other guests giving it their best moves, but I'm not totally convinced they played to all the guests in attendance.

But this story is good for you as it lends another tip in your quest for the most perfect day - please go and watch a live performance of the band you choose for your reception entertainment before you part with any money. Your day is ultimately about you and your fiancé having the most wonderful day, but it would be good if your guests could all join in the dancing on the night of your big day. Needless to say the bride and groom (and many of the other dancers!) still had a fabulous day, they were still up dancing with everyone else, but I think they would have been a tad weirded out to hear a couple of minor rumblings amongst their nearest and dearest.

It's up to you, but it wouldn't take much extra effort to vet the entertainment for your day, just to make sure it went without a hitch, or comment.

So for now I will leave you to continue my set up for a wedding fayre I will be attending this weekend - for those of you in the area, I will be at The Roebuck Hotel in Ware, Hertfordshire from 11am - 3pm this Sunday 31st January.

If you have any direct questions or queries, as always here's my email: info@weddingsbyelaine.co.uk

Check your suppliers

So, heard about the one where the photographer charged but didn’t deliver…or did but may as well not have?! Most have you have probably read the story and if not you’ve definitely heard about it…here’s a recap from the Daily Mail:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1218248/Newlyweds-win-court-battle-1-500-wedding-photographer-shoddy-pictures-include-missing-heads-car-close-ups.html

You’re probably thinking…

”that would never happen to me”,
or “how could they have fallen for it”
or “it must have been so obvious he wasn’t any good”

But, is it obvious, how do you know, what can you do to prevent it?

I hear stories all the time about couples who meet suppliers assuming they have hired the person they saw, only to find on the day a complete stranger turns up to photograph/video/document their day. Obviously at this point it’s too late to do anything. This isn’t uncommon and if you check your contract you’ll probably find that in the small print (I know it’s always the small print) it will explicitly say that the supplier has the right to do this.

So, how do you avoid these things, and how can you guarantee the person you see if the person who will attend? Ask them! I know it sounds simple, but again it goes back to one of my earlier posts people are afraid to negotiate and ask for what they want. You MUST get out of the habit of assuming what you want to hear. It doesn’t work like that and unfortunately it will add to the sense of stress and out of control-ness on the day of your wedding.

When you meet your supplier, ask to see examples of previous works, your supplier expects this, it isn’t rude! Where relevant ask them about qualifications they have in their field of work. Ask to speak to someone that has worked with them before, or to see testimonials from previous couples. Ask if they are the person who will turn up on the day or if they work as part of a conglomerate. There’s nothing wrong with a conglomerate operating company, just make sure you make an appointment to see the actual supplier who will be attending on your day and make sure you are happy with them and their work.

Don’t hand over ANY money until you are satisfied you like the suppliers work, you get along with them and you understand their terms of business.

It sounds like a lot to remember but, asking these few questions early on mean you won’t have to worry or stress on the day of your wedding because something has happened you didn’t expect.

It’s not a joke, there’s no punch line. This is a gentle reminder to check your suppliers. You don’t want to be the next Mr & Mrs Day.

Don’t Tell the Bride?

So, I LOVE the programme, ‘Don’t Tell the Bride’, it’s my guilty pleasure (as well as Bon Jovi, but that’s for another time and place) and I think there are a few others like me that feel the same. However I got to thinking, why? Is it because I’m safe in the knowledge that I’ve had my wedding day which I had huge amounts of input in so won’t ever be in that situation; or is it because the ultimate message this programme gives is that – it doesn’t matter how it happens, the couple just want to be together and married?

Despite all the fears and anxiety portrayed by the bride, (and yes ladies, it is mostly the bride stressing and weeping) ultimately I have yet to watch an episode where the couple don’t get married. Even with the dubious choices the groom has made, (anyone see Luke theme his wedding on his favourite football team, or Nick choose for his bride her worst night mare, princess Jordan-esque style dress?) the bride always appreciates some of what the groom has gone through to organise the wedding – I won’t go so far as to say they love all of what they have chosen!

Obviously this is for TV, and the sceptic in me says at least parts of it has to have been staged – I love my husband, but if he’d had to organise the whole wedding I’m not sure the finer details would have been high on his list of priorities – but the less sceptic, romantic side says, it’s the thought that counts, so who cares if he’s had a bit of help to complete it.

A lot of couples lose sight of the reason they have pencilled a day in the diary to have the biggest blow out party they have ever staged. The flowers, car, venue, photographer and who can forget the dress, it can be so easy to get lost in the material items that disappear without trace after the ‘celebration’.

The time planning your day and talking about the details should be a happy time. Yes, it can get stressful and feel overwhelming, but sticking together and talking through things makes the stress dissipate. If you get to your wedding day, dreading things are going to go wrong – let me put your mind at rest now, something WILL go wrong – you’ll miss this day you have spent your waking life planning.

The sun will rise, the day will begin, and keep going, and no matter what you think, it won’t stop for you to have a stress about whether the colour of the flowers match the tie on the grooms neck. Your guests are there to celebrate with you, that you have taken the next step in your relationship, so why shouldn’t you be doing the same thing?

It might be TV, it might be staged, but on the most basic level DTTB shows that the couple want to be together, and despite all the dramas, tears and tantrums they all walk down the aisle in the end knowing they want to be with each other. So, whatever you think is the most important thing about organising for your day, shouldn’t that be the message you keep in your mind too?

Wedding on the cheap?

I’m often asked how you can plan a wedding ‘on the cheap’ and I’m amazed at how many simple ideas people over look in the search of their ‘perfect day’.

You need to prioritise the 5 most important things to you both for your day to be complete – and yes ladies it does have to be 5 things you both agree on - it is his day too whatever you might have thought in your own head. These 5 things will help you to make decisions easier and compromise where necessary.

Something the English aren’t great at (I realise this is an understatement) is negotiating and asking for what we actually want. When was the last time you listened to an American counterpart in a restaurant asking for their salad to be a fat free, meat free, vegan friendly, dressing on the side, dish? Be honest, who’s thinking…just pick the bits out you don’t like…well why should you if you’re paying for it, shouldn’t it be edible when it arrives?

Obviously it’s an extreme comparison, but when you’re spending much more of your hard earned cash, on a ‘perfect day’ as opposed to a ‘perfect salad’ shouldn’t you be getting what you want, rather than paying for something that isn’t quite what you had in mind?

Although you don’t want to appear as the proverbial ‘bull in a china shop’, you need to keep in mind the attitude, ‘if you don’t ask, you don’t get’. This is your first lesson in planning your wedding, learn to ask for what you want and negotiate if it’s not what you want.

Remember negotiating doesn’t always mean getting things cheaper, but can mean cutting things out, or asking a supplier to include something at no additional cost. Think of it as value for money.

A few key points on when NOT to negotiate…

1. If this is a specialist service where you’re unlikely to find an alternative

2. The most popular venue is not going to negotiate, they have many more couples lining up to take your place

3. If you’re budget and ideas don’t match – don’t haggle for champagne if you can’t afford Asti

And don’t forget, if all else fails…Be prepared to walk away!

So, you have the 5 main priorities, you know what you have in mind, and you have your ‘what not to do’ tips now it’s time to see what’s out there. Don’t go to your favoured supplier first – give some others a call and try to negotiate, and get used to it, then give your preferred supplier a bell.

Finally, always remember…

Way too often couples; and yes ok mostly the ladies, put so much emphasis on the wedding day, they forget they are going into a marriage. Whether you get married in a church, a registry office, beach or hotel the bottom line is that you, the couple have arranged a day to let everyone know how much you love each other, in sickness and in health and from that day forward, forsaking all others.

When put like that, should the emphasis be on how much you’ve spent on x, y, and z, or just that after everyone’s gone home, and your day has come to a close, that you’re happy with the life partner you’ve chosen?

Weddings By Elaine

I am a wedding planner based in Hertfordshire. I decided to start blogging to share some knowledge and invite you to do the same.

I have a passion for weddings, that probably goes beyond the realms of reasonability…from the whisper of an engagement to the very moment an invite lands through the letterbox (or in more recent times via email!). I love to fantasise about what theme the couple will chose, where it will be held and what personality traits will show through.

I am a romantic and proud of it. I admire couples that can celebrate their 1st, 10th, 50th wedding anniversaries and still look adoringly into each others eyes. I was at a cousin’s wedding last summer and watched as 2 of my aunts and uncles twirled around the dance floor - and yes they did twirl! I was mesmerised and wondered on what their secrets were, being married for 32 and 28 years respectively they have almost certainly been through the mill on various occasions, but they were still standing together.

Married myself 2 years ago in our fantasy wedding, I want to bring that special feeling of having the most amazing start to married life to couples about to take that same journey. And, believe me when I say it is a journey, and not always an easy one…but it’s about how you make it through that’s the important thing.

So, please join me as I share some of my ideas and invite you to do the same…and if you ever want to contact directly just visit my website Weddings By Elaine.